Darkness

I feel a darkness coming over me

There's been a funk, a black cloud 

Hanging over my persona 

Only allowing brief moments of light

To shine through

I was left behind, abandoned and unwanted

A job, no a career; a friend, no something more;  

A complete change of life

How does one go on after all this

What was once the norm has turned to the unknown

I am lost, cut short without the right words, my steps are lagging

I need a fresh start, new momentum to push me through

Will I recognize it, will I let it pass me by without knowing

Or will I hold to it firmly, allowing its grasp to sweep me up

Like the cool fall winds which cause the leaves to swirl

And take me to my next destination 

Time will tell as the clock continuously ticks

And the evening sun sets reminding me yet again

Of the darkness that envelops me. 

He Understands

When all is in chaos

When things just aren’t going right

I may not understand you

When problems arise

And I can’t see clearly

You may not understand me

When the road seems dark

And life is confusing

No one understands our struggles

But He understands

There is no chaos, cause He understands

There are no problems too big, cause He understands

There will always be light

Because He understands

Art?

Normally I post only my poetry but today I wanted to make a statement about art.  A blogger friend of mine (check her out Writings of a Mrs) received an unsettling message  “…that you were not engaged with us because of your person; because of the parody of work that you display as “art” are a taint to that which is pure and true.” – anonymous.  I found this hurtful to the art community we know today as art is expression, whether it is a painting, graphics, a story or poetry. It’s something that comes from the heart, from within. Should we put lines and boundaries on it? I think not, if that were the case then some of our greatest ‘artists’ would have been silenced. I’m behind her and our other artists for their expressions. 

The Facade

I'm good at putting on the happy face, a smile, a laugh

But at times they are all a facade, an eccentric building up of my misguided undertakings.

Deep inside no one can see the turmoil that goes on

The angst, the bouts of discontent and the melancholy moods that can prevail.

Sometimes I need a friendly ear to turn to, but does anyone ever hear me?

Or is it that I really don't care to receive an unprecedented attempt at encouragement

An endeavor to give me hope or an unyielding effort to uplift.

Know that I will turn just a day later to laugh at the silliness,

The absurdity  of it all and the madness of my aforementioned thoughts

Of how I felt just a little while ago and shake my head knowing that those feelings could rise yet again  

But I enjoy the new wave of exhilarating feelings that tend to change with me each day

What madness will I now exude?  What folly will I irrationally turn to?    What foolhardy level will my mind reach?

Maybe it's not all a facade but an illusion to keep the masses thinking

Whether I have but a small semblance of sanity.  

Not Alone On My Journey

No where to go and nothing to do

Finally it sinks in, there is no more work

Do I have purpose now?  

I have to come up with new goals, new dreams, new ideas

I knew this time would come,

But one is never actually prepared for this, I really wasn't quite ready

I hadn't mentally accepted my new fate 

But here it is, right in my face

Am I ready for this new challenge? I must reinvent myself

But I am not alone in this life altering transformation

My clothes are calling to me.  They have become lonely and desolate 

Without the twirl of the rack in my daily game preparation I used to play

The dress or skirt, black or blue, pumps or sling backs

They all tried to shine imperiously wanting to get my attention

Choose me, wear me, they appeared to shout

Now the casual clothes are blossoming giving a chagrined nod

To the once business, professional wear that has moved to the back

Relished to only be chosen possibly, hopefully, optimistically for church

Or on the off chance that an interview may come their way

Oh how they were once regaled as every day wear

The slacks shined on the curvaceousness of my hips

The dresses swayed in soft motion against my legs

The heels giving way to fierce and dazzling calves 

None to worry they will shine once more

Even brighter, more majestically in my new environment

That has yet to be named, but is out there for me. 

An Open Mind

Being closed minded does not lend to new challenges or potentials

It robs you of being able to think more vividly, speak more candidly, love more boldly 

Being closed minded can leave you desolate and alone

Since you are not willing to open up to new frontiers of adventure

To boldly go where you have not been before 

And face new challenges that could be full of excitement leading way to great expectations

Oh the places we shall go and the things we shall see

I have come to the realization that

My mind will be an open highway 

Prepared for new knowledge to roll in and off my exits of understanding 

My Voice

An only child was she, alone in a world that would never understand her

She hides behind her prose, which allows her to mask in public

Her angst, her fears, her tales of woe

If the door to the pathway of understanding is opened

It will reveal too much of her, pouring out the gates of sorrow and anguish

Sharing and bearing the uncovered heart and soul of this poets state of mind 

My poetry has found her voice and allows me to share my life sagas

But by no choosing of my own, my mind can wander all over the place 

Taking on its own intellect and forgetting what it was supposed to be discerning 

Until it is dragged screaming and kicking, back to my thoughts of reality 

Realizing that it is needed to complete the stories, circulating in my mind. 

The Return of an Unwanted Friend

My pain had been relieved it had been gone for a week 

I was free from it's hold on me

What was once a constant was now diminished. 

I felt reassured, calmed and comforted by its absence. 

The spring in my step and bounce in my gait was so pleasurable

It had not been debilitating, incapacitating or even enervating at its peak

But it had been known to be sapping, draining and sometimes weakening

On a much milder level at its highest form. 

The meds were a delight, my friend in disguise

What was meant for one plight, took form and rendered me

Superior and unconquerable all over. 

I was in a euphoria over my plethora of well being. 

Alas that sensation has been reduced to times gone by

And I wake in the morning with my old friend once again.

I fear I will always be in that gnawing state and it will be never ending, 

always with me, constant until the end 

Violated

After an unpleasant event these words came to me. 

Violated is all I can say

A feeling that security has been taken from me

Putting me in a darkened state, a dismal sinking feeling of dread 

My heart is saddened because my positive outlook has been taken from me

I had so enjoyed my freedom, a time just for me, my new life

That I felt was full of hope, optimism and carefree times

Yet in one instance, one fraction of a minute, in a split second

It was snatched away leaving me to always be watchful, looking around and untrusting of the unknown. 

The innocence that I had in my new world is gone, 

I am left now to fend for myself,  to fight off the unwanted that threatened my sanctuary 

Ensuring this will not happen again. 

He's Mine

I wrote this awhile ago just for my pup Bailey. He's such a sweetie.

He looked at her, he depended on her

He was so sweet, so attentive

He would do anything for her

Anything to protect her

Being by her side was his ultimate goal

If she was sitting he was there just close enough to touch 

If she was eating so was he

He could watch her for hours 

Peeping from the stairway just out of her sight

Watching with loving eyes

The moment she moved so did he

He knew she was for him

And he would always be by her side

She was the love of his life

And she loved her pup immensely

For Sandra's Baby Shower

My very first public reading of my poems was at my friends Sandra's baby shower. Her and the Ladies Night Out Group - Sandy, Kemba and of course can't forget Kathy :-) had been after me to read and after Sandra's special request I couldn't refuse. With my poetry critic encouraging me through the shower and cheering me on I went forward with it.

For Joseph Wayne Woodward

Life hands us changes

We don't always know what's in store

Whats ahead or what's right around the corner

We think that certain aspects of our life are over

But then fate takes a different turn and the unexpected can happen

We can welcome it, embrace it, reject or defy it

But in the end it will still be with us. 

Sandra's faith and strength, allow her to welcome and embrace her change

Joseph Wayne will be treasured and cherished. Pampered and spoiled

And loved beyond measure. 

Yes he will bring the unexpected changes and old memories back into in her life

From late nights to potty training to kindergarten through the teen years

Her love for him will be abundant, ever flowing,ever lasting 

This great gift she's been given along w her other two bundles if joy

Will round out her life complete

And add additional blessings upon her

Not Alone on My Journey

I realized after my job and embarking on my next chapter in life that I was not alone on this journey :-)

No where to go and nothing to do

Finally it sinks in, there is no more work

Do I have purpose now?  

I have to come up with new goals, new dreams, new ideas

I knew this time would come,

But one is never actually prepared for this, I really wasn't quite ready

I hadn't mentally accepted my new fate 

But here it is, right in my face

Am I ready for this new challenge? I must reinvent myself

But I am not alone in this life altering transformation

My clothes are calling to me.  They have become lonely and desolate 

Without the twirl of the rack in my daily game preparation I used to play

The dress or skirt, black or blue, pumps or sling backs

They all tried to shine imperiously wanting to get my attention

Choose me, wear me, they appeared to shout

Now the casual clothes are blossoming giving a chagrined nod

To the once business, professional wear that has moved to the back

Relished to only be chosen possibly, hopefully, optimistically for church

Or on the off chance that an interview may come their way

Oh how they were once regaled as every day wear

The slacks shined on the curvaceousness of my hips

The dresses swayed in soft motion against my legs

The heels giving way to fierce and dazzling calves 

None to worry they will shine once more

Even brighter, more majestically in my new environment

That has yet to be named, but is out there for me. 

Blogging, Me?

Working outside my personal comfort zone

Everyone will be able to see what's in my heart

What's going on inside my mind

What looms deep within my soul

Am I prepared for that?

Bigger question, is the world ready to be a part of my exposés?

In either light I am going forward, plodding ahead, moving on

Making this the latest chapter in my life. 

A Job Ending

As I ended my job for 9 years this came to me

The Last Time

I looked out at the view I had seen so many times before.

Breathtaking sunsets, flourishing blooms of spring,

Tantalizing colors of fall that stroked the top of the tree lines,

Across my vast office window. 

It is ironically perfect that the day is dreary and filled with rain.

Cleaning out, throwing away discarding all the memories,

Of work done hard over the course of time. 

It is a melancholy moment for me,

Thoughts of projects, meetings and programs,

All discarded quickly into a shredding bin 

That seemed to take a part of me away as well.

I do not cry  about the past, for these words are my tears.

My writing speaks and feels and emotionalizes for me. 

Goodbye, farewell,  so long, for this is the last time.

Just starting out

Hey everyone. Just starting out blogging so the site is under construction keep looking out be ready!!!